Monday, February 28, 2005

at louis' place!!!

haha just used louis' photoshop to kinda edited a photo and thought it looks kinda funny and wanna post it up. Anyway, the initial intent was I thought shao like, ALWAYS, get caught in such shots. Shots that he will look super stunned. Image Hosted by The Image Hosting haha this is it. I blurred the background so that it can enhance the "shocked look". there are still many many picts of him looking like that. Will post more...when I am more free... Spent so much time here at louis' place scanning picts. Yeah la, wasted quite alot of time whilst scanning pics that I also replied to emails, chat on msn etc. And I was like talking NON-STOP to louis. I suddenly realised that when I felt "eh? how come it's always me who's doin the talking." Ok la, talkative people are like that.... ;o)

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Being misunderstood and to misunderstand another....

Recently got into a misunderstanding with a friend. Actually sometimes when misunderstandings happen, it takes tad a lot of effort to want to clear things up. If you do not, I guess the relationship will just slowly "rot". Just like when I read TheFren's email, there are some things that he said that are not accurate about me, but I don't really feel like explaining myself. I'm too tired (physically) to do so...so thats why clearing up misunderstandings takes effort and is most probably not suitable when you are tired.... Have been so tired lately bcos I haven't been sleeping well. And I am sick again. The sickness chain that has been sticking to me ever since CNY.....haiz.. Today's cell was great. Really. These few times have really been very very good. Good meaning edifying. It will be better if I can take time to review those thgs I have learnt. Prayer time is very good too. Ok....getting giddy again le~

making my blog a lil public

haha I have start to make my blog a bit public le... the si louis la..I give him my add hor, he say "sorry, but I wun read one. thanks anyway." wah like so direct hor....but as if I care alot also. You dun read even better......haha.. thought I would hope to post a pict, so after much consideration. I decided to post a bo liao one which I thought looks very wu liao Image Hosted by The Image Hosting Like, what am I doin at the back????? Anyways, this pict was taken last year during YA (Young adults) retreat. What was the date again? There are quite a no of the YA retreat picts that I find qt funny. Will post them when I feel happy... Time like flies? Awhile ago it was 11.15, and now it's 11.45!!!! Gotta sleep soon I guess. Tomorrow's service is morning...

Friday, February 25, 2005

My babies.......

Haiz the new image hosting website that I chose may possibly be the most stupid website in the whole world. I took like 30 mins to upload like 2 or 3 picts. Cos it happens such that the page ALWAYS cannot load. Pretty annoying. But dunno where to go le....Anyway, I went back to last time that pg I went to, surprisingly, I do not need to pay but I think I can no longer upload when the credits are used up. Here are my BABIES' photos as planned...... =) So cute.... At first when I went there, I really wonder how am I going to handle them. Basically they can't sit still and LOVE to run around. There are another two, the naughtiest ones also, Darvin and Mei Han who are not in the pict. Darvin basically do not know how to talk so it's hard to talk to him. He responds but he just goes yee yee yaya, so u also don't know what is he talking about. Quite naughty cos he likes to beat people, push people and scold people...And then later when the dad requested me to toilet-train him, he basically asked me to bring him to toilet 4 or 5 times in 1.5 hrs...but still he's quite cute la.....the face..fat fat de... Initially I really want to cry.......I told myself I will have no regrets leaving that place. But as time goes by, my affection for them grew.... Each day, when I go there, I will bring out the toys for them to play. From sitting at the computer in the beginning to sitting with them and playing with them. I carry them and bring them to the toilet, I kiss them and sing with them......they cry and they will come and hug me, wanting me to just say some things and tell them teacher loves them.... How will the affection not grow in such a way? I bring the crayons out, and sit with them and teach them how to color. I mark their work and stamp Elmo and Big Bird and stars on the worksheets. Each time they see the stamps, they will show a thrilled face, despite them seeing the stamps so many times already.... They will ask for sweets...and want to blow bubbles....They will watch cartoons in front of the computer and eat their snacks and drink their water.... I really miss them SO much.. They should be in kindergarten already...K1...I wonder how are they getting on.. Is Qiaoying still as quiet as ever and doesnt tell the teacher she wants to go toilet? Does she still eat alot? Is Jesmin still so scared of strangers that she will behave in a weird manner when she meets strangers? Does she still go, "I am going CRAZY!" everyday.....? Is Kereisha still always bringing this and that to class and end up losing them? Is she still so keen in going to school that even though she is sick, she will still want to just come and see her friends? Does she still say "Aunty go back Sri Lanka already when the next moment her aunty will appear....? Darvin, do you know how to talk already? Don't beat people okay? Mei Han......got guai guai? ................... =) Each time that I meet with despairing things, these things that tie me down so much will "magically" go away the moment I see these kids. Chidren's innocence...really......melts my heart.... Jesmin......teacher misses you so much.... Kereisha.....teacher misses you so much.... And Qiaoying and Darvin and Mei Han... Do you miss teacher? **************************** Here's them doing work This is Kereisha doing work haha.....she's vey cute one la.... You think they will do work quietly meh.... haha.......naughty Jesmin.. And then the final product.... ya la....quite messy. But hey they are only three years old you know... Jesmin can color the best, she likes to mix colors, but she likes blue and green the most. Kereisha is the "second best", she likes colorful picts... And Qiaoying colors slowly, but she always like to color orange. WHOLE pict orange leh....but ya la, I always encourage them to use more colors, like bring out the crayon for them etc Here's them watching cartoon on the computer.... super concentrated... On my last day, I took picts with them..self taken.... Qiaoying and I Jesmin and I. Take 1. Take 2.... Take 3......haha....she must have been tired.. *good friends* =) My babies......................I love you. I converted this pict to black and white. It's my favorite pict.... Alrighty, perhaps that's all for today..... ************************ Life is short, cherish it? Do you know life can be lived eternally? How?

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Hp no two

The second time using so should be more familiar.. I have been so super distracted lately. Playing games r probably more appropriate for free-er souls. At least for ppl who ve more self control. I have so many things to do yet i dun do them. I wonder am i not afraid of e si word. Ok at least for tonight..DO SOME THINGS!!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Heartened (part 2)

Yup I am stuck here at the comp cos mum just mopped the floor and I came out from room ignorantly. So I can only sit here now for the moment and while comp is scanning (again) and installing Directx and waiting for tianmin's msn reply, I guess I can blog too hahaha... My conversation with Regina over MSN last night..... She talked about projects and me too, abt the difficulties we faced; karaoke, singing, aspirations; work life; games etc etc Anyway, I always felt glad at "more quality" conversations like that. Regina is a new friend whom I got to know, so really there's tad a lot of things I can know about her. Hearing people share and what they believe, hang on to, etc etc is really very interesting. At least it means to me that the person is sincere, if not, interested in you as a fren to bother to tell you more. Not a one way conversation either, which gave it a plus point. Anyway the thing that left me heartened was when we talked abt frens, and I told her about this good fren of mine. Not much elaboration actually. Not at all. But it reminded me very much of how much I have gone thru, with this friend of mine.... here is our photo.... =) Image Hosted by The Image Hosting Booooo!! haha...ok la.......this one nicer...... Image Hosted by The Image Hosting tianmin, u muz jia you ok? Though so many things are tough around us, but let's keep our eyes on Jesus, the Author, and who also is the Perfector of our faith....... Yup don't allow things to defeat us. We mustn't be defeated ok? We must stand strong and tall.....remember our allegiance to the Lord....

Screw ups and help

Haha.....I suddenly feel I am pretty screwed up really. But maybe here is not a good place to write about such things. Somehow writing too personal stuffs on the internet causes me to feel bad. This was because used to blog and I made it public (yep one of those two "half-serious" blogs). And then I got this friend, who apparently read the blog and later conveyed this msg of she feeling "I am extreme" to my another friend. Obviously, my the other friend told me that... Sometimes I just feel people judge you by those few sentences you write. As if that is all about your life, and all about you. I try hard not to use the word stupid on these kinda people. I mean it just makes me more skeptical towards this particular friend at her changes too. Details to be saved. Yep, I am mean. Sometimes. Most of the time. I mean, ya lor......thats why I dun feel secure with relationships established thru the net. haha...ya I am mean......such a sad fact..ok shall not elaborate too much again. No too personal items on the Internet. It feels kinda weird, at least to me. As if you are like exposing your whole life to people...like as if no privacy..... Anyway....I thought I wanna post up some photos now that xiang xiang has taught me how to resize photos by batch. Those are the childcare centre photos.....I think I kinda miss them badly. [side note: I realise I will be wasting time like again if I attempt to post up those photos cos I will want to add in stories here and there. STRICTLY NO MORE WASTING OF TIME!!! If not.....it will just add on. ] Anyway, thought I can post up one which is kinda my "favorite". (Incomplete with illustrations....) Here goes..... *************************** Anyway, while feeling so screwed up, I really thank God for the help that He sends my way, and the joy that they bring. However little, it just makes me -- yep, heartened... Image Hosted by The Image Hosting The MSN conversation I was having with Regina.... Yup, I was telling her I cant help to feel sian...etc etc and dun have the mood to do work.... Image Hosted by The Image Hosting Yup, it SEEMS like it's been a pretty long time that people will BOTHER to even say more to ask you not to be sian... Dunno, but simple sentences, short too....but still I appreciate them. Image Hosted by The Image Hosting Image Hosted by The Image Hosting Wah~ so sweet....did you see that? She said she "will be here for me"............~~~~~ my gosh.....so sweet........haha.......Very long don't have people tell me things like that le..... Haha......I just found this quite funny and decide to post it.. Image Hosted by The Image Hosting haha......you think she's really mad? haha....anyway the next line she type was.... "ya la. told u happy mode hoh...easy to do things de" Yeah.....happy mode from her donut.... Crazy girl..

Monday, February 21, 2005

My first HP blog ahhh!

Use hp to blog is stupid and annoying! haha.....

Heartened (part 1)

It's 2.29am now already and I am becoming more awake instead. Maybe bcos of the MSN conversations that I had with Regina and Xiao Mi or maybe the games that I played a bit... Anyway, I felt so heartened somehow, after talking to them.. Computer is low on resources... Yep not the first time le. I just hope the virus are really killed. Later need to restart comp to ensure the Trojan is completely removed. But who really guarantees also right? Scanning comp now. Downloading two games. (yay!! haha never play games for long le....) \\ mama woke up to...refill the water......haha.....and it's 2 freaking 40am in the morning. ask her go back sleep but she doesnt want \ \ Intended to blog and put down those things that Louis told me on MSN just now de, but now got additional things of Regina and Chai Heng...even better haha.... ******************* Was quite saddened over some things in the afternoon which I think I kinda (regretfully) showed it out in my previous entries. Anyway, was really hoping to talk to someone about some things that were troubling me pretty badly. Yet at the same time I was also considering maybe there is no need to tell, like that thing(s) is probably just one of those trivial things that I can handle on my own ultimately. Then, I was talking to Louis. The urge to want to tell him things became stronger and stronger and I finally typed "Louis........................................" and ....... I VOMITED out all that I can to him...... ???? No. I changed my mind to not say. Even though I was really prepared to start pouring my heart out... Good thing that I stopped. Somehow I feel probably I shouldnt always "appear so vulnerable". Not that I want to appear as someone strong to others, but rather more of "not always convincing myself that I am someone so super vulnerable" and then sink into self-pity. (Yes, that happened to me before. Not just once....oh....exposing my personal stuffs again.....) Yup as expected (one of those expected moves of mine), I told Louis I was going to tell him certain thgs just now and the vulnerability thing. Then he said maybe it will be good for me to have 1 or 2 persons whom I can always go to, to share without feeling too vulnerable; and emotional. Yes, am quite an emotional person. But I feel I've changed quite a bit, for the better, over the years le.. Then I was quite lost as to why Louis is telling me all these things so yaddah yaddah and I told him, maybe I belong to one of those who does not have a CONSTANT person to share to de. But I told him, I am perfectly fine with that. Cos I have learnt that, not having a CONSTANT someone to share to doesnt mean u have no one to share to. I told Louis that it is a blessing to have a constant someone, but if don't have jiu suan le. Besides, I do share to people (and they are all close to me), just that probably they (or any one of them) cannot be ALWAYS there. Sometimes I would think it's good I can finally take such things in my stride. Cos true enough, men, how can we depend on them always.... ? Somehow, men will fail us. And as if that's like a guarantee.... Have also learnt (along the years) that not every trouble that you have, you need to tell it to people. May be good that we learn handling that problem on our own as well. Or with God... Sometimes the more u tell another, and if the more dat person cant help, the more frustration sets in.. \\ oh hehe anyway the comp finish scanning le \ \ to end Louis' part with this song which apparently he listened (and wanted to listen to) many times before he slept just now.... [Update: Alrighty, it doesn't seem to work to paste the chinese words. So yep....never mind...another time...too tired to continue w Regina and Chai Heng's thgs. Those are happy things anyway =) and also got the talk w Crystal's mum. Come to think of it, actually got many happy things going on. Don't always dwell on the bad ones.....Shall continue.....After I have finished my priority ones.......] good night~

Funny stories by a funny guy~

yep....used the Bitfender virus killer and deleted some files. I hope my comp can be cured..... Anyway, though I am pretty tired, I am feeling slightly happier now because I managed to host my picts le. haha..... Will explain more again why I posted these picts......simply too tired now... here goes..... enjoy~ =) Image Hosted by The Image Hosting Image Hosted by The Image Hosting Image Hosted by The Image Hosting

Yeah man! Image hosting's up!!!! =))

Image Hosted by The Image Hosting

Again~~~~~~ =( -- part 2

My comp may possibly be dying. Cos I load the web pages as if I am using Dial up.... Hmmm...... Anyway, recently there are so many mosquitoes here at the computer table. I feel crazy sitting here scratching. It's been quite a long time since I have many mosquito bites. Anyway mosquitoes are so annoying. My eyes are seriously shutting and I want to go immediately to sleep. But the Mcafee thing is still scanning my computer. 9 freaking virus which I have no idea how to rid them of. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.................. hen fan ah!!!!! wanna sleep cannot sleep. got work to do to be handed in tomorrow. and room is still 50% messy..... haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz......... my face......it's not smooth now.....I think I am too stressed and slept too little. Like so screwed up suddenly.. Also looking for some place to host images so that I can post up some pictures. See....I am not very positive again now as I blog le. Is this gonna be another blog which will ultimately shut down? I'll probably type some happy entries soon like the prayer I had with xinying and the websites I visited that offers Journalism..... hur hur...... *trying hard to be positive* My comp is darn slow ah!!!!!!! ************************************* Anyway the time now is 11:09pm already. Hmmm...there is a high chance that my comp will hang any minute so I shall post this entry first and probably edit it later when the photo hosting thing is done.

Again~~~~~~ =(

Scanning for viruses now and till now, comp has three virus and I don't really know how to see where those infected files are... Anyway. I wasted a lot of time today and I spent it doing something that left me feeling bad. Why is it that people know those things are bad for you, YET, still we do them.... =( Need to finish up my part for PR to let the rest see tomorrow. I don't really mind though I am feeling pretty shitty now to do work. Anyway the earlier I finish, the better it will be...... haiz... why so shitty..... Went to Anuty Irene's house just now for some CNY gathering. It was boring.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Contemplation....

I am contemplating for long, ..... what contents are right to put down on the blog, and what not to..... I have had like ten blogs before? Out of which two were halfway serious. But somehow I find the content that I put down on the blog made me lose interest in the blog ultimately. In the first one, I tend to be very "extreme". I write down all those things that I don't like; I curse, I scold, streams of billingsgate can literally be seen to be "coming out from my mouth". If not, then I will jump to the other extreme and be super depressed. Ultimately, I stopped updating due to the reason that I do not hope to see such a me. The second one.....I feel as if I am wearing a mask to write. Dunno....but the writing style don't really belong to me. It's as if, I'm trying too hard to update and be like someone else....so in the end, I did not want to return to that page either. ............ *contemplating* I guess there are some things that I shouldn't put down here. Things that I know clearly will stumble people or anything along that line. Probably nothing TOO personal. Like the struggles I am facing now. Details of certain gatherings etc, I guess they are still acceptable. Discussions. Movie reviews. Book reviews I guess. Haha, and my feature stories that I probably will start to write here and there. ***************************** Work is piling up. Public Relations. Journalism. TVRP.... Advertising.... Advertising is pretty simple. Public Relations, after finishing my part. I guess I have to help Ping and Linda out with interviews and things like that to beef up our project. TVRP.....I haven't made up my mind whether to do TV script or commercial script cum storyboard... Journalism. Gotta set aside time to watch the news I guess. Time is running out. Are you ready!??? haha.......so wu liao... =)

Saturday, February 19, 2005

disturbing things that happened

Haha...it's quite exciting to have email address with names you like. I just created two accounts that I feel have fantastic names. Anyway, I am going to clear my room soon. I seriously feel how tidy or messy my room is reflects that state of my heart. Some things happened yesterday that disturbed me a lot. I was sick and arrived in school late. Then, classmates were already having lunch. I sat down and joined them. Later they were having this discussion about Christians. How they got there I already forgot..... ........... Oh, because they were saying getting a truly devoted Christian boyfriend is very good cos Christian guys are very faithful and will stay true to their girlfriends. I was listening and in my heart I was thinking, "But a truly devoted Christian guy WILL NOT choose a non-christian for a girlfriend what..." I feel they will not understand what I'm saying and decided to continue to listen. Here's part of their conversation A: But the only bad thing is they always put their God above ALL THINGS. Like girlfriend also like that, girlfriends will not be the most important. B: ya lor, the first thing they wake up is that they say they wanna go pray... But you mean you will hope your boyfriend to be one who treats relationship above ALL ELSE meh? What about his family, career, his friends etc? Anyway, loving God above all else is right, for in God contains all things like relationships, family and career etc. You don't have to agree with me though. A: I hate it when Christians always include God in their conversations. B: ya lor ya lor like their MSN nicks also, like always God God God........very fan leh C: ya and they always like to pester you to church. wah keep calling leh.... Yup.....i'm starting to get disturbed already because 1) I include God in my conversations, here and there. 2) My nick does consists of God sometimes too. Disturbed not because I feel what I do is wrong. But more of, why am I keeping quiet when they are "insulting God"..... As expected, I continued keeping quiet and listened. And wonder whether do they know I am a Christian. I looked to one of them cos she knows I am a Christian. But she wasnt looking at me. I only managed to squeeze out one short setence of "ya but they really believed so" when the girl beside me turned to me. How come I use "they"...........? And the conversation continued and went back to that of BGR A: ya u know ah, that time my this friend cos girlfriend not a Christian, in the end chose to break up with her. B: yaya! I also have a friend. With his girlfriend FIVE years le leh! Then because not Christian then break up. Me: ................ .................. .................. ......................... ...................................... what can I say that is appropriate? I mean I say le, they will understand? But by not saying, am I not standing up for the truth and as if silently agreeing with what they say? Why isit such people have absolutely no respect for others' religion? Anyway....... *disturbed* ********************* The next incident that left me disturbed was that of a discussion in class during PR class regarding public opinion. This girl was presenting public opinion about gay and lesbians. And here's e beginning part of her presentation: Girl: I mean, gays and lesbians they didnt want to be who they are... Me: What do you mean they didnt want to be? You mean somebody forced them to be? Girl: ......they are borned like that...... Me: WHO SAYS SO!!!!!??????????????????????? please! are you mad or something? Who says people are born homosexuals!??? Girl: I mean, I feel compassionate and sympathetic for them.... Me: aiyah.......shuddup la...... Anyway, the presentation continued. And I was so emotional in my seat, with thoughts kept going thru my mind that I really feel like standing up and retorting her. Telling her straight in the face that homosexuality is NOT right and certainly NOT a symbol of how liberal your society is. If homosexuality is normal, why would people say it's wrong. If it is something intended all from the start, then why is it we are still having so much controversials around.....? I am angry. VERY ANGRY. Later on the teacher even asked us, "do you feel homosexuality should be accepted in Singapore?" There was an uproar of "YES"......."YES" and "YES" all around......... I shook my head. My mind too saturated with my anger and disbelief at the morals of people. But I too, am angry with myself. Why didnt I stand up for the truth? WHY DIDNT I STAND UP FOR THE TRUTH???? *near tears* ************************ I just recall another incident two days ago. We were trying to brainstorm for a commercial plot. Later during presentation, all of those which presented touched on sex, condoms and more sex..... Sad, very sad indeed..... Everybody laughed at the crude jokes. But I don't find them funny at all. I didnt laugh. nor did I smile even. I frowned. But am I having the right attitude? Being so disturbed helps? I don't know. I guess I gotta think about lotsa things. sidenote: as I am posting this, I asked Elena in MSN whether she stands up for God's truth. She says it's a struggle cos people may think she's siao.... ya precisely. And then she asked me isit I am facing some of such things now. And whether are they totally against my principles. I said yes. And she asked me "So you willing to stand up for God?" ..................... Am I WILLING? WILLING to stand up for the One I say I loved the most..........? ........... ...................

Here again

I would have hoped that I can continue on and on with a same blog. To not only update my friends on my life but also to train my writing skills. One term has passed in MDIS and my initial plan to want to develop my skills more on TV and Film seemed to be changing. Now, I feel, probably I have more of an interest in Journalism. Some people may be quite disturbed in how frequent I change my mind. But who says I do not learn my lesson? I no longer dare to even be "anyhow" in my decisions and I sure do hope to develop more in this "Mass Comm" side. So, please, offer me your support. And know that my life is safe in God's hands.... I seriously hope I will recover soon. I have not been feeling very well since some time ago. And there are many many datelines coming up, most of those which I haven't started. Grant me patience for really I have been very vexed up recently. Feeling frustrated over the slightest thing.