Tuesday, May 31, 2005

HOW COOL IS THAT???

Finally, I have put up a song on my blog! haha.....I am OVERWHELMED!!!! I know it's nothing great but still, I am so excited! I cant believe I am really that smart. haha.... anyway the Title of this song is Falling. Falling into what? Falling in LOVE =D To work............................... *a big big smile*

爱的真谛

爱是恒久忍耐,又有恩慈;爱是不嫉妒,爱是不自夸,不张狂, 不做害羞的事,不求自己的益处,不轻易发怒,不计算人的恶, 不喜欢不义,只喜欢真理;凡事包容,凡事相信,凡事盼望,凡事忍耐; 爱是永不止息 林前13:4-8

Monday, May 30, 2005

老鼠爱大米

Image Hosted by The Image Hosting I admit. I have finally succumbed to this internet trend of 老鼠爱大米, and went around watching flash animations of this song. Of all, I felt this was the most acceptable one even though it was quite s*u*p*d as well. Here are the lyrics..... I am not crazy over this song but nevertheless, it's a very popular song on the net now. Feel the song's a bit too typical though it has this very "simply" love feeling in it. 我听见你的声音 有种特别的感觉 让我不断想不敢再忘记你 我记得有一个人 永远留在我心中 哪怕只能够这样的想你 如果真的有一天 爱情理想会实现 我会加倍努力好好对你永远不改变 不管路有多么远 一定会让它实现 我会轻轻在你耳边对你说(对你说) 我爱你爱着你 就像老鼠爱大米 不管有多少风雨我都会依然陪着你 我想你想着你 不管有多么的苦 只要能让你开心我什么都愿意 这样爱你 ********************* picts of the NUS library which I find very nice after its revamp (yup, I know the picts dun look very nice because it's taken by my very limited samsung e330c phone camera) thats the frosted glass thing I was talking about, though I think thru the pict u cant really see anything. this is a better view of the entrance. The "central library" words on the previous photo is to the right of the reception. Ya lor, they have got such a big and how lian reception. Who needs a reception in a school library? ya la, I am mad. alrighty, stepping near the comp clusters Introducing the NUS arts library computer clusters that has up to 100 points and most possibly more than that number. and then to the colorful stools which I like very much tada! this is the corner where I say u probably can go in for a drink or snack. Yup I am not sure because I didnt go in. Perk Point! Definitely PERRRRRRRKS u up! ok la....haha.....I know the picts not very nice but I like! going to sleep liao. quite tired........ =)

Office Politics

This may well be the most sian topic that people can ever write in their blogs in the whole wide world. (What's with me into this "whole world" thing? I have the world's best comp, met the world's cutest babies and now I am writing the world's most boring topic. Bleah.) Anyway. here's the story. A colleague of mine is working her last day today and I happened to have lunch with her and another colleague. Let's just call the colleague who is leaving "C" and the other colleague who is not leaving "P". Well, I am not particularly fond of C actually as I find her very weird. She normally wears skimpily to work and I find that quite puzzling as we are working at a tuition centre. And some more she is not those who wears skimpily sexily but skimpily unappealingly, in fact quite "putting-off-ly". Her dresscode aside, she also has a very weird mannerism, she insists I go lunch with her, and keeps saying the boss likes me more that kinda thing. I tried very hard to not mind and try to love her by telling myself that she probably is bad with human relations, but as it is, up till the very last moment that I am with her, I still cant SINCERELY and GENUINELY love her. I still remember some time ago, P was gossiping enthusiastically to me about C, when I finally got quite uncomfortable and changed the topic. Yet SUDDENLY, today, her attitude towards C today took a 720 degree turn. She seemed like best of friends with C and even told me that C is actually not that bad a person to be with. And I was still wondering why the change of attitude, when she told me that C helped her checked that our boss calculated wrongly the CPF contribution for one month, then I know the reason why. Just because C helped her "exposed" the boss' "dishonesty", she became best of friends with C and full of good words of her. hmmm..... I never felt my boss was a very bad boss. I mean, who's perfect? The calculation was probably done unintentionally. I thought we should give her the benefit of doubt. That's why I say, bosses can never make mistakes, if not the trust between employees and them will be lost (forever. maybe.). I pity with all the bosses in whole world. I actually felt quite uncomfortable during the lunch when C and P kept gossiping about our boss. Worse still, when P went back to the office, she can immediately "change face" and joked and laughed so much with our boss....as if she has talked nothing bad about our boss just now. Sigh.....office politics. I wonder if P talks bad about me with C..... ok la, I know this is a boring story that happens in everyday office (probably), yet when you get to experience it again -- cant help but really marvel at the hypocrisy of men. All men that is. ************************* I thought this sentence which my K2 student said today when another student sneezed unceasingly pretty interesting. He said "All the germs must be having a big party in his nose now!" Interesting. ************************* Recently, I added one of my mission trip friends to Friendster and this was the notification email I received. Whew! XYZ really does like you on Friendster! You put yourself on the line, risked it all and it has paid off richly. XYZ has accepted your invitation to be Friendsters! Oh the times you'll have - - Chatting, joining groups together, checking out your joint horoscope, reading each other's blogs, and more. -_-" oh? really that exciting AH!??? really quite bo liao......haha.... ********************* Is dialling a person's number 3 times consecutively considered as "super many times"? 10 times maybe, I'd consider.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Presenting........

THE WORLD'S CUTEST BABIES!!!! hahaha....yup, how I love them so. Pastor's Mike's boy, Matthew who needs all the fans at home to blow at him and the village's adopted baby named Tricia. This is my favorite photo from the mission trip. yup, busy busy....so I will just post this favorite photo of mine from the Philippines mission trip for the time being. I have gotten my photoshop back! Gonna edit photos and post them at a later date =)

Friday, May 27, 2005

When?

When can I do something to my very ugly blog? When can I do up a simple still picts flash for my blog and put it at the now title space? When? =(

Thursday, May 26, 2005

I have added a few more links at "My friends". Some of them seldom update though. Nevertheless, it's cool (I seemed to be using more of this word) to have more friends whom I know having blogs. Actually I wish to add those people whose blog I read but whom I do not really know them. For example, "My Angel!" haha.... I deleted the entry about Nepal and Tibet because I think that entry is too insincere to be kept. Who wants to read a whole chunk of info like that......Tibet and Nepal fanatic maybe. Google means go ogle is it?

I have the best comp in the whole world!

Yep, the best because I DON'T CARE what computers or systems other people have. In my eyes right now, my comp is the best. My comp is a cool AMD Athlon with a 1GB ram blah blah blah. I dunno the specs exactly but it's a cool comp nonetheless. Not just cool but the best! *wide grin* Hmmm........ But with a new comp means some sorta responsibility burden as well..... It's shocking how nowadays when I buy things they are always in thousands. This is two thousand, that is three thousand and that another one thousand. Using so much money means I have to start planning more for my future, more in terms of a job. Well, I guess much planning is in progress. I have sent out my resume etc etc....so now just have to TRUST Him and pray hard. Anyway, my comp is still the best in the world! =D *************************** I still cannot post picts!!!!!!! Even though I have the world's best comp now, I still cant post picts bcos I dun have phtoshop, I cant believe myself!!!!!! *pulls hair frantically* okok.....I am not that mad actually, over not being able to edit my photos; just that a bit sian la. Xiang xiang helped me to partition my comp into three parts blah blah blah so I am not supposed (advised) to install programs in the now formatted partition. I have to wait for xiang xiang to come tomorrow morning to help me format!!! Arghhhhh Haha, but many thanks to Mr Wong Xiang Xiang for - spending a few hours with me roaming at Sim Lim checking out prices (I recommend Fuwell at the 4th or 5th floor, they gave me the most reasonable prices with optimal quality, thats why I have the world's best comp now) - putting up with me when I coughed like an ah ma (and it's very loud too, mind you) in front of him after I nearly choked and half puked *yeeks* - carrying the heavy cpu to my home and then helping me to format, install and all that - being an ah sum and helping me clean my comp table after I moved away the old cpu - untangling the numerous cables I left there behind my comp - staying on even when he is hungry and time is running late - coming to my home tomorrow at freaking 8am to further format the comp - and last but not least, plugging out the hard disk from my old comp. and the list goes on thus, a standing ovation to Mr Wong Xiang Xiang! Image Hosted by The Image Hosting tata! (Photo editing by courtesy of Louis who kindly helped me resized and edit the photo so that the foto looks a bit nicer =) But a bit too dim eh? (oh anyway, I thought I was going to die this afternoon when I choked on my food. Cant breathe and nearly fainted. Must be the too much chilli, endless talking (from me) and a bad cough (from philippines) that is causing me to be so paiseh in front of so many people. I really coughed SO loudly, I think even my mother in Ang Mo Kio can hear it. I spat out my food twice too. How paiseh is that? I can die.) Well, at least now I have the world's best comp, so I think his hard work is worth it. Going off liao..... =D hehehehe.... I have the worl's best comp.........lalalalala............

Monday, May 23, 2005

today was one of those pretty uneventful day. I did my normal going out which I normally do on Public Holidays blah blah blah But one thing really worth mentioning is how God works that how He actually changes people's heart. Was talking to "somebody" today and really SEE the difference in her, in the things that she says, and the things that we plan together to do. I am really looking forward to the sessions that we will have together, to really learn and fulfil what we say we wanna work towards to. I guess the change is brought about by prayers and I should really take heed. *************************** I seriously feel my posts these days are ultra bo liao with so many words about boring things and without pictures. Hopefully, I can get a new comp by weds then I can be using my photoshop again to edit photos so that I can post them without feeling they look untouched up. And I can do my video editing on the new comp too. How cool is that? yeah, at least it's cool for me =] anyway, I bought new disposable contact lenses today. am very happy! =) they are hazel colored. =))

I am a GENIUS

Alright, to be more humble, I FEEL like a genius. haha, I actually did something to bro's comp so that I can use his laptop to come online now when initially it was infected with the sasser worm, which caused the system to shut down in a minute after I come online. When in the world did I bcum a little comp genius like xiang xiang or adrian.... haha.....I am quite impressed with myself..... so, tata, I can blog again! even though I cant post picts bcos I cant stand posting ugly photos which have not been photoshopped before. ********************* Some friends really test your patience huh? haha.... aiyah, ok la. I dunno why am I so amused even though it's supposed to not be a good thing. I am quite amused at how I can use so many terms to scold a person in a short 2 sms. haha..... aiyah...ok la. Some people just deserve it.

Friday, May 20, 2005

This is one of those few times that I do aimless and bo liao surfing around, and visited Friendster and this is one of the bulletins being put up: Tribute to Christopher Tan- by Benson Goh, SCCC Training Director Christopher joined the staff of Singapore Campus Crusade for Christ in August 2003, at a time when very few men were willing to make such commitments. He served for a year in the NUS ministry and was due to begin his New Staff Training in July 2004 when he was diagnosed with chronic leukemia. We prayed and journeyed with him, looking forward him being able to join the staff training this August 2005. Chris was therefore like a son to us in our staff family, a young man with exceptional quality, one whom we are proud of. He is also a dear brother to many of us, one whom we shared and served with. In Memory and Celebration of Christopher Tan(Psalm 139:7-10; Isaiah 30:15; 2 Timothy 4:7)by Benson Goh, SCCC Training Director An easy smile, a ready wave Strong frame that cares in special ways You could relax with him any day A tender spirit, a gentle soul A warrior's heart One who would never give up Responsible and dependable He was well-respected, yet remained humble Selfless and generous His servant attitude was contagious He wanted to serve young people and reach the world But his deepest passion was to love God and share His Word Entering ministry was simply a sweet surrenderI n God's promises and presence, he was empowered He faced fear and death threatening him His confidence in quietness and trust was found He comforted us despite the discomfort he was in His hope and joy no illness could bound He has fought the good fight He has finished the race He has kept the faith He has shown us we can do the same We pray, dear Lord, Help us to live like he did Christopher, our son and brother We are proud of, and humbled by, what you did As you enter God's glory We celebrate the life you've lived We'll remember the son and brother you were to us In our hearts, your legacy lives yup, even though I dunno him, still I feel sad for him about what he went thru. Yet at the same time I am proud of him, that he tried his best to live his life strong for the sake of God until his last breath. I am sure Christopher is back with the Lord now. *************************** Came across this blonde jokes section and there are quite a few jokes that I find quite funny. A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure, " he replies. "What's the problem?" "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box, " he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster, " she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box." There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror. If you told a lie it would suck you in. One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in. The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in. Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in. A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body." "That's odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean" So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on. The doctor says, "You're not a natural brunette are you?" "No I'm a blonde", she replies."I thought so.... your finger is broken.", replies the doctor. a blonde walks into a shop and says to the shop keeper can i buy that TV please and the shop keeper says sorry we dont sell to blondes.... so the next day the blonde goes back to the shop but this time she dyes her hair red and says " can i buy that TV please?" and the shop keeper says "no we dont sell to blondes," so the next day the blonde gets a face lift and dyes her hair again and goes back to the shop and says to the shopkeeper can i buy that TV please and once again the shopkeeper says sorry we dont sell to blondes! so the blonde goes how did you know i am blonde???????? and the shopkeeper replies because its a microwave not a TV!!!! There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back. A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?" Actually I don't understand why people feel blondes are stupid. IS that proven or something? ************************ My graduation project Went for the presentation in the morning. The setting was so casual and unpro. But never mind. Anyway, didnt feel very good about my project because I think I did not do my best. I did not have time actually. Research was bad and I dun have an exact idea of what the teacher wants. Anyways....... ************************ Getting a degree in the near future I do think I will go out and work very very soon, even when I have not gotten a degree. Mama seemed to be pretty anxious and slips off her tongue sometimes that she wishes me to quickly go out and work instead of keep studying. Well, I think I would try to keep to her wishes since I am pretty ok in coming out to work also. Sometimes, you will just feel that you wanna stop being some lazy bum who keeps using ur papa's hard-earned money and not be able to support them. But I think I will one day go overseas and study again (which may happen in another 2 or 3 years time). And I am going to study photo journalism and pursue my dreams and interests. And have a taste of school life as well =) *********************** To end off, things I learnt today from God... Lesson 1: How we handle money reveals much about our priorities. Jesus wasn't a fundraiser. That's why Jesus often talked about money. One-sixth of the Gospels' content, including one out of every three parables, touches on stewardship. He dealt with money matters because money matters. For some of us, though, it matters too much. Jesus warned that we can become slaves to money. We may not think that money means more to us than God does. But Jesus did not say we must serve God more than we serve money. The issue isn't what occupies first place in our life, but whether we serve money at all. I ask myself:"HAve I been a good steward......." Lesson 2: Matthew 10:5-15 "These twelve Jesus sent out after instructing them: "Do not go in the way of the Gentiles, and do not enter any city of the Samaritans; but rather go to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. "And as you go, preach, saying, 'The kingdom of heaven is at hand.' "Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons. Freely you received, freely give. "Do not acquire gold, or silver, or copper for your money belts, or a bag for your journey, or even two coats, or sandals, or a staff; for the worker is worthy of his support. "And whatever city or village you enter, inquire who is worthy in it, and stay at his house until you leave that city. "As you enter the house, give it your greeting. "If the house is worthy, give it your blessing of peace. But if it is not worthy, take back your blessing of peace. "Whoever does not receive you, nor heed your words, as you go out of that house or that city, shake the dust off your feet. "Truly I say to you, it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah in the day of judgment than for that city. I take comfort in those words. *********************** I think I have been spending quite some time here in the library... yeah going to eat at the Arts Canteen later since mama just called to say she is not cooking. Woooo I miss the Japanese food =p yum yum [wow, I think I rarely have the chance to sit down and bum around like this leh.....so happy! haha....and did I say, the library smells nice, or isit me? =) ] Just saw on the friendster page. Another eligible bachelor taken! ah....why like that!? hahaha... Siao!

At Arts Library!

Aka Central Library Haha...this is quite amusing. I seem to be travelling around NUS. I actually stayed behind to use more of this free comp (since my comp is down and I have nothing much to do at home), though the connection speed is not very fast. I supposed it's because there are many people using the NUS server? Anyway, the central library looks FANTABULOUS now. It's so pro looking lor. Haha....ya I know current NUS students are not able to appreciate it, but what a privilege to have such a nice looking library! =) They revamped the entrance such that it looks like some entrance to some business building, which looks very classy. The frosted glass like thing, if that is what they call them. And then after the entrance is the sections of computer points. Looks a bit like the National library concept. Just that this one has like around, 100 computers for use? Then they have this pretty vacant walkway down to the RBR counter, with very nice and colorful chairs on the way. I might consider using my camera phone to take picts later. They also have thise "perk point" lounge. I think you can eat and drink in there. Haha....doing promotion for NUS sia. Anyway, just very nice. The book shop aka co-op in arts looks like half a kinokuniya. nice nice. haha....

I'm at NUS library

To be more exact, the NUS science library, which is located at the 4th storey of block S5 (S6?) where the very scary chemistry organic and inorganic labs are at as well. I once roamed in these labs. I couldn't believe I just said that. Hmmm, stepping back into NUS, I guess I have mixed feelings. Alot of them as well. It's like, all along, when I don't face it directly, I thought I am perfectly fine with coming out from NUS. Yet on the taxi ride here (yes, I took cab again), looking at the familiar roads that I used to pass by many times when I come for lessons, surge of emotions whelmed into my heart. "I used to be a NUS student," i told myself, "But not anymore." I dunno whether do I feel happy or sad when I think of such things. Suddenly, I seemed not to despise NUS so much anymore. I even count it a privilege to be able to be admitted into NUS, which frankly, is quite a good school. Isn't it so? Many people like to comment that "only the elites study in NUS". Well, that in itself, is not very sound bcos you don't necessarily need to go into uni to be a capable person, but still the statement has some truth in it. Not everybody gets into the uni, and those who do, are really not that bad, and have the potential to do something great. Yes, the potential to do something great. I think back at where I am now. I am studying Mass Comm in a private school. A private school which has bad service, bad facilities...bad food. I guess I am doing what I like. But yet not to the fullest potential. There is so much more I want to do...about Mass Comm, and to learn as well. Suddenly, I felt sorry for myself, that I truly deserve something better than to be cooped up in this small miserable private school. I was a student from NUS, u know? Self-pity does not help. I have to dispel these thoughts IMMEDIATELY. Probably these are what papa and mama felt, and may still be feeling. That they see their daughter going into NUS, and they were so hopeful. But one day, their daughter told them that she could not continue studying in NUS anymore. To them, NUS is the best, and why didn't their daughter stayed on in the best. At least I have God to fall back on. I still have God to remember that His plans for me will not harm me. And are plans in fact, to prosper me. But what about papa and mama who haven't known God? What do they have to fall back on? I just hope that they would slowly realise that everybody walks a different path to reach their goal. And mine will a path like such. ******************************** Suddenly, with relation to what I was thinking above, I have an urge to come out and work. Minghui's working at Mediacorp now for her attachment and I just smsed her to help me ask whether they wanna employ. Have finished my diploma and really feel I should go look for a job and study adv dip part-time. Plans to go overseas, I guess have to be kept on hold. It's my dream in a way to work in mediacorp. I really don't mind starting out low, as this assistant or that assistant. I dunno whether I am being naive. But I'd imagine able to change my scope of work with experience, and in time to come, I can move on to better positions. Gotta pray along...... ************************ ya, the reason why I am here at NUS is because I do not need to work today, so I came over to NUS to return a book which Yiyu kindly helped me borrowed. And so coincidentally, my comp is officially spoilt, so I thought I can use this comp to update. Going over to Yussof Isshak House later to meet Grace for lunch to catch up. And to return her the notes as well la. Haha.... The system has really changed. Now they don't even require you to give your matric card to use the comp. You just walk in and use, of cos you need a student id and the password. Ya, I used YY's. So I guess I might just come back and use again since my comp is still down? haha...I dunno la, got straight bus ma....when I too free lor, I guess. Mixed feelings go away............................ or let me learn something from it, dear God. =)

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

My angel!

Just visited a "fren's" blog......hahaha He finally updated!!!!!! yay! But I have no time to read. I start work at 5pm and now is already 4.47pm and I haven't bathed and.....my goodness haven't washed the dishes and all that **** yaya....too excited to think about "him" haha *blink blink* ok la....I THINK he is just a crush. Eh....ya lor....I know him so many years ago liao. Also nothing happen. And he happens to not be a fren I keep in touch with, because we don't really know each other that well too. Haha, what crap is this. aiyah, I am just very excited so I thought I want to share it in this blog. I just realised that he and I share a same chinese character in our names!!! Muahahahahahahhaha......this must be the coolest thing in the whole world!!!! haha....wah lau, what cool thing is that? It is nothing cool at all....hahah....I am just excited ok???!!! ok la.....I shall quickly go bathe and go out le...late for awhile ok de la.....hahaha I think post mission trip depression syndrome and interview rejection moodiness is gone because God brought this angel to mind! =)) I shall continue to think of him for the rest of the day. haha.... drowned in the sweetness of my angel of who he is. What a godly man he is...cute too....and sensitive.....and.....haha lots more!!! woohoooo.....wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........

Job interview. Pass? Failed?

I failed at my job interview. that's something new because normally I get the job. Well.... Just when I was imagining getting a new comp with the money, just when I was impressed with my versatility to work a job "like this" (with my qualifications, age etc), just when I was happily stretching out my hand to get the confirmation letter,............the person in charge said with a paiseh face "Sorry, you didnt get in". ............... And I tried to act a bit, with a face expression (I think I looked like that) that I didnt care much about the job anyway, I asked the person, "So I can go now?" And stride off in nonchalance... Hey......I cared about the job lor... Sigh.... i need a job....I need a job....I need a job................ Or rather I should say, I need an EXTRA job..... ok la.....I dunno what I am saying le la... On the way down, I told myself....that God has His reasons for not letting me have the job....and possibly because He has a better one for me. That probably He feels I deserve a better paid job or something...That even though I failed this interview, I will pass one sooner or later, and that job will certainly be a better job... Felt more comforted by that. But still, I try my best not to remind myself that I feel shitty.... Waste my time only leh, such things.... ok...gotta go work le. I hope I can get a second job soon.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

it's confirmed

I have post mission trip depression syndrome. Don't talk to me. BAH

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Run on..

The idea of going into full time ministry kept lingering in my mind these days. I do not wish to think too much about it for I am afraid if I am really called, how should I respond; or for the fact of a false alarm. Yet on the other hand, I do not wish to dispel the thought fully as well, because I do not wish to reject His voice, if it's really His voice. I have been thinking much about how I want to spend the rest of my life with the nearing of the end of my school life, though I am now working as well. The mission trip has touched my heart a lot, on how different it is of my lifestyle and that of people whom I met. I began to feel that everyday, I am striving for things which may not be eternal, that I invest my time on these which do not last, and the motivation may just be my own selfish pleasure. And I get myself all affected over issues which do not matter that much, really. Being emotional is something which I do not want as well. I do not want to be emotional and feel all these seemingly philosophical "holy thoughts" and later revert back to my old self. I have been trying to pray hard to ask God to help me have clear thoughts.... Sometimes when I look around me, I get disappointed and discouraged at how easily people can give up God's interests for their own pursuits, for better reflections on their resumes, or for a better name or fame. But when I try to pause and look back at myself, I realise I am one of those at many times too, and remind myself not to be judgmental, but to have the change in myself first. What then is the life that God wants me to lead.....to run on and not give up or grow weary..... ************************** Going to Moses' place soon....hopefully I can do much tonight. May stay over at his place...
u noe...I really am at quite a .... hmmm dreadful state now. I have got a super duper bad headache.....I lost my phone....I am trying desperately to find a comp to let me edit videos......etc etc etc like.....ya...just very ******.......pray for me

Friday, May 13, 2005

It probably is easier to stay peace-loving and lovable when you are with a pack of people who are mindful that they need to stay controlled and not hurt others with their words; especially when these people might not love you that much. Ironic that those who (supposedly) love you the most turn out to be those who hurt you the most too.

Aiyo!!

I am actually quite "swey", I would say. Having a terrible headache now and coughing unceasingly. Still have to go xinying's place later to do video editing because I have a silly computer which has not enough disk space and ram speed to do this job. Sigh sigh sigh..... Cannot. I must be strong and I must trust and depend on God. God will help me.... I stepped on my specs (newest pair) today and the lenses dropped out. The string thing that secured the lens broke and there goes my specs. Wearing an old pair now...and ya...prob thats what that's giving me the headache. Wah.....how much money I have to spend man? Computer stuffs which are pretty essential. A ram, a burner, a new keyboard and mouse....and probably graphic card as well.....ahh....headache. New pair of specs.....and I think new contact lenses too. In time to come, that is. No money to spend on contact lenses for the moment..... As a child, C. S. Lewis enjoyed reading the books of E. Nesbit, especially Five Children and It. In this book, brothers and sisters on a summer holiday discover an ancient sand fairy who grants them one wish each day. But every wish brings the children more trouble than happiness because they can't foresee the results of getting everything they ask for. I like this.....it's very true. We dunno whats good and not good for us, and most often that we ask God for everything and anything. Good thing we have a God who knows the best for us....and indeed prayer is not about asking things from God but rather an intimate relationship with Jesus, our best friend. God help me please....

Why?

Why do I have things to do always? Why cant I just bum around and relax and do nothing? At least for awhile. Ah well.......I should learn not to complain. .................... WHY???????????????????? Ok la.....sigh.....cannot complain. The more I complain, the more "resentful" I get. Haha...ok la, it's NOT that bad. I just need to do things for papa the moment I come back, I have to do a 10 mins short film within 2 days for my garduation project and I have my 5th driving test again on next Thurs. you know what? I have decided. If I do fail again, I am going to register as a student at Yio Chu Kang. I DON'T CARE!!! Aiyo......ok....I am a bit siao already. Headache again. Philippines trip was great. I miss a bit the times we had. Where we will do our programs together, sleep together and giggle together. Will write more on that some day. God bless me.....me only =)

Thursday, May 12, 2005

I'm back I'm back!!!!! back to this clean little island where I call my home. Philippines' air is really heavily polluted by the traffic..........blah blah blah blah blah Just reached Singapore so still very tired. Going to sleep in 3 mins time. Anyway, something JUST traumatised me. i realise my project submission date is on 7 May 2005. Which means I have passed the dateline in like, 4 days already? I am quite scared cos if I do not submit the project,...................................I cannot graduate. Hope to get an extension..... Sigh.......please pray for me. I am gonna call the person tomorrow.